Dating Advise for Men In Waikiki

Beaten Man Syndrome

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Question From A Reader:

Hi Joseph,

My name is Dave, I live in Australia. This is about your E-Mail
about the beaten man. I don’t consider myself a beaten man but
some of us out here in the real world have an aversion to pain, you
know the “getting your guts kicked in” type of pain?

I have tried some of your techniques and still had no success, just
more kicks in the guts for my troubles, and I don’t know about you
but I have a pain thresh-hold and have reached it, getting
rejected or laughed at by women is painful no matter what you tell
yourself when you get to your pain limit. What are you supposed to
do when this happens? You can say what you like about calling it a
setback but when you get to the stage that you start avoiding women
because you don’t want to be laughed at or rejected it is not a
setback, it is a confidence killer.

No amount of self reinforcement helps when you get to this point,
one more rejection or one more woman laughing at you is too much to
take. The only even partial success I have had was with a married
woman and I didn’t know she was married until near the end of our
chat, this made things worse not better, unlike most men you
target with your advice, I have morals.

I won’t try to chat up a married woman, if she wants to start a
relationship with me she has to end her existing relationship
beforehand, this woman was looking for that little bit extra on
the side and seemed quite upset when I told her “Thanks But
No-Thanks.” My theory is that if she would cheat on her husband
then she would cheat on me, even if she got divorced to be with
me, what do you think?. Solve this in the real world not in
fantasy land.

Dave

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My Response:

First off, Dave, all my advice is based on the “real world.”
Judging from your writing, it’s YOU who lives in a fantasy land.

You live in a fantasy land where no girls like you, where they will
ALL reject you and laugh at you. This is a magical place where you
can’t get a date and are destined to die alone, and anyone who
tells you otherwise is a LIAR.

It’s a mystical, magical world you’ve created in your head because
you want to feel sorry for yourself and don’t want to do the hard
work (yes, that’s right, HARD WORK) to get what you want. You’d
rather just be lazy and feel sorry for yourself.

This is something all “beaten men” have in common. They’re called
“beaten” for a reason. They’ve given up hope. They look at their
lives as a lost cause, and resign themselves to “cursing the world”
and the all women as hating them so they can feel justified in their
hopeless beliefs.

You believe this, and yet you have gone to great lengths to
contradict yourself in your own email.

You claim that no women like you and they all laugh at you and
reject you. Yet, there’s this woman, who happens to be married,
who expressed ATTRACTION for you!

Now, obviously you have a standard that you abide by where you
don’t go after women who are married, which is fine. I have the
same standard, but I can’t expect everyone to live by it. Each man
must have his own rules that he feels comfortable with.

But instead of looking at this as a positive thing — that being a
woman was attracted to you and liked you and actually WANTED to be
with you — you saw it as a negative — She’s married, so I’m just
wasting my time!

Shame, shame, shame on you.

No one knows better than me how hard it can be when you’re trying
to go from “beaten man” to “best man.” I worked very hard at this
myself when the first inklings of “Art Of Approaching” were being
developed from me going out 5 nights a week to try and break this
fear of meeting women that I had.

I was so obsessed with getting good at meeting women, I would show
up for my job the next day half-asleep because I was out late the
night before. I almost got fired numerous times! I was getting
physically ill from the lack of sleep, and when I first started, I
was getting rejected left and right.

But I kept at it, figured a few things out, and before long, it
became easy! And I suddenly didn’t have to go out 5 nights a week,
I could go out just when I wanted and have fun!

If I had believed as you do, this story would not have a happy
ending, and I probably wouldn’t even be responding to your email,
because I’d just be some other guy who couldn’t talk to women.

So coming from someone who’s overcome this obstacle in the REAL
WORLD, and not your depressing, negative fantasy land of evil women
who hate you, listen to me when I say this…

IF YOU FOCUS ON THE NEGATIVES, YOUR VIEWS WILL BE NEGATIVE. IF YOU
FOCUS ON THE POSITIVES, YOUR VIEWS WILL BE POSITIVE.

This is something ALL men who are suffering from “beaten man”
syndrome should take to heard. You should memorize those two
sentences and make them your mantra.

Your beliefs shape how you see the world. And how you see the
world shapes your beliefs. If you walk up to a woman, and say “Hi,
let me buy you a drink.” And she responds: “Um, you should leave
now,” and then turns her back to you (which actually did happen to
me once when I first started out, but that’s another newsletter,
lol), you have two ways of viewing that interaction.

The first way is “Oh God! I’m ugly and no girls like me! That
rejection hurt so bad! Everyone saw that! I’m a loser! I can’t
talk to any other girl in this place now! Waaaaaaaaaaah!”

The other way is “Wow, that didn’t work out so well. Why is that?
Maybe every guy in this place has used that same line on her and
she’s sick of it? I wonder what would happen if I used a different
line?”

Do you see the difference?

In one example, I automatically reverted to despair, pain,
rejection, negativity. I heaped blame on myself for failing.

In the other example, I was still hurt, but I looked at the
situation as a learning experience where I figured out what I might
have done wrong and came up with a solution.

There is a WORLD of difference between these two points of view.

You, dear Dave, and every beaten man like you, has trained himself
to look at things in terms of your own failures. You selfishly
indulge in your own feelings of loss and inadequacy. This is what
continues to beat you down.

The guys who are successful with women learn from these
experiences. They start to spot specific traits in women that they
know they’re good at attracting. They figure out what works and
what doesn’t, and only do the stuff that works. They enjoy the
success of their hard work, and they revel in the good feelings
they have while dismissing the bad ones.

Which sounds more appealing to you?

Getting rejected by women can be a confidence killer and can be
painful IF YOU LET IT. You have to learn to adapt and do what
works instead of focusing on your pain.

You say you’ve done “some of my techniques” to no success. Have
you bothered to buy my book? Have you read it cover to cover? Did
you do the Bootcamp, which is specifically DESIGNED to help you
improve WITHOUT all the pain of rejection? Have you done the
confidence building exercises I give you? Have you learned to read
a woman’s body language to recognize who’s open to being approached
so you can minimize your “crash and burn?”

Have you bothered to do ANY of this work?

I’m willing to bet you haven’t.

Because if you had, your email would have been a success story
rather than a whine-fest.

It always amazes me when I see guys who say “There was this one
girl who was really into me, but X was wrong with her, so I didn’t
go forward, and no other women like me.”

Let me tell you, if one woman likes you, there are others out there
who do as well. You just have to find them, and do the work it
takes to be prepared for meeting them.

Now, I know this email sounds harsh, but I’m trying to get through
to you and every other guy out there like you what it is you’re
doing wrong that you need to fix, and sometimes that requires tough
love.

But I’m not just going to spew tough love. I’m going to actually
give you some tools to help you overcome this rough patch in your
road to success with women (note that I haven’t given up on you,
though you may have!).

If you’re stuck, and you need that extra push to help you out and
go from “beaten man” to “ladies man,” then this special Package is
for you.

And for those of you who just want to get the basic, bare-bone
fundamentals of what it takes to meet massive amounts of women with
no fear of rejection, then you owe it to yourself to check out my
original ebook, The Art Of Approaching, here:

http://artofapproaching.onfasttrack.com/main.html?ar=38bc

And if you REALLY want to supercharge your success with women,
be sure to take a look at my Advanced Course here:

http://artofapproaching.onfasttrack.com/products/multimedia.html?ar=38mm

This is your chance to leave your fantasy land of rejection and
despair, and enter the real world of real possibilities.

Wishing you success with women,

Joseph Matthews

P.S. If you have a success story you would like to share, or a
question you would like to ask, or a comment you would like to
make, please email me at:

questions@artofapproaching.com

Include your first name and include the country, state/province,
and city you live in.

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from you as you can from me! But be sure you don’t just hit
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