Hi Casanova,
You know, my life is pretty interesting. Every day my mailbox gets
flooded with questions from guys looking for help with women. And
often times, I make time to respond (after all, I wish there was
someone around when I was struggling with women I could email for
advice!).
But some of the emails often cover the same problems, so I thought
I’d share some of my responses with you in case you have a similar
situation going on.
QUESTION:
———————————
I have always been afraid of asking girls out myself so i have my
friends do it and she says no
If i asked them out myself do u think they might say yes?
Tim
———————————
Hi Tim,
Yes. Definitely. Without a doubt.
Women admire men who have the courage to ask them out, and they
tend to not take the offer seriously if it’s done by a friend.
See, despite all you may hear about “women’s lib” and “the modern
woman,” when it comes to the traditional dating roles, I’d say
about 95% of women out there still subscribe to the traditional
dating roles.
i.e. THEY WANT MEN TO ASK THEM OUT!
Remember that traditionally, it’s the man’s place to pursue a
woman. And when you do this, you subcommunicate certain traits,
such as courage, aggressiveness, power, strength, etc.
When you get other people to do your dirty work for you, it can
come off as disingenuous, and undermine your credibility as a
strong, sexually aggressive male.
Of course, no one likes to get rejected. But if you read a woman
right, you’ll KNOW if she’s going to be willing to go out with you
or not.
QUESTION:
———————————
Ok, I was at a club the other night. I walked passed this one
woman and her friend. The one woman eyes and mine locked the whole
way I walked by. A couple moments later, after my friend finally
convinced me that she was into me, we walked up to them and asked
them to dance. I felt we had a pretty good time dancing. She was
grinding with me, and giving me “good dirty” looks. Afterward, we
ended splitting up, and then later on in the evening I tried
talking to her, and everything I was saying to her she just was
nodding off.
She just wasn’t giving me that same attraction like she was before.
I eventually got the point that she was no longer interested by
her rude behavior, so I just walked away without saying anything
else. Walking away though, I will admit, I felt as if I was
walking away with my tail in between my legs. I am looking for a
little advise on how I should have ended my “episode” with her.
Humiliating her because of her lack of conversation skills would
have made me felt better, but it isn’t like me, nor is it
“gentleman-like.”
I would have liked to have just said one thing to her and walk
away. The one thing I say to her though I would hope to be
powerful enough for her to come looking for me again though, if you
understand what I’m saying. Just because she treated me with
immature arrogance doesn’t mean I should deny her a piece of this
if she changes her mind later, lol. I guess, bottom line is this.
I would like a “classy” line to give to a woman that was blowing me
off, a line that could get her to come back to me. Thanks if you
could offer any assistance.
Douglas
———————————
Hi Douglas,
It’s been my experience that if a woman is willing to dance with
you (especially if she’s doing sexy things, like it seems she was
doing to you), that’s usually a signal that she wants you to make a
move and kiss her, or something similar to that.
The fact that you walked away after she was throwing all those “Go”
signals your way may have told her that you either:
a.) weren’t into her or
b.)not ballsy enough for her.
So when you re-approached her later on, she had already decided to
move on and try to find another guy, or at the very least
disqualified you.
I don’t think this is a problem of rejection, rather, but a problem
of noticing the signals a woman puts out when she wants you to make
a move. In essence, you may have been the one who rejected her
through your failure to act on the signals she was giving (it’s
chick logic, don’t ask me why they see things that way, they just
do).
Since you seem to be new to the bar/club scene, that may be why you
passed up that opportunity. In the future, learn to act on it.
And as for lines to walk away with, I always use this one:
“Pleasure meeting you.”
Simple. Easy. Effective.
QUESTION:
———————————
I have a situation for you man….
Check this out. I’m don’t want to sound into myself. But I’m a
pretty descent looking guy. But When I go to clubs or bars, I’m
pretty selective with the woman I want to talk to. Just like we all
are. But When I do decide to hit on a chick then I get a bunch of
other guys trying to hit on the same one while I’m in action.
I take a glance around and Other guys are watching me work, and
there are a lot of other woman around that these same guys can be
doing there stuff with. The funny thing is these same guys didn’t
give these woman any attention until I started talk to them.
Another situation that I noticed is if I approach a girl and she is
be a hard nose I try an lossen her up and still nothing, I’ll walk
away and no other guy will approach her, Don’t get me wrong it
feels good when I get shot down and other guys get instantly
discouraged and won’t approacher even when she looks around for a
friendly face. But since I usually don’t have a wing man with me,
how do I keep the others at bay while I work my angle. I thought
maybe I’ll let these “followers” loose on another chick that I
spoke with briefly, and then go hunting for the bigger game.But the
other guys watching take it as me being shot down, so they still
follow.
Very annoyed,
Kris
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Hi Kris,
That’s on odd situation. You may be the **one** unlucky guy in the
world who all the other guys in bars try to cockblock after doing
all the hard work. =)
This is actually a pretty common situation. It happens to me and
others I know all the time, so you’re not alone. The fact is, most
beautiful women will be hit on regardless if they’re talking to
another guy or not.
In a club, it’s more a game of keeping a girl isolated from other
guys than it is actually picking them up.
When this happens, it’s best to get rid of the obstacle quickly and
keep your girl isolated with you.
Sometimes it can be enough just to say “Excuse me, buddy, we were
having a conversation here…” then turning your back to the guy
and continuing your conversation with the girl you’re with.
Sometimes it’s best to befriend the guy quickly then send him on
his way.
Another way is to put him in a “double bind” situation where he’s
going to look like a tool. One I like to use is:
“Hey bro, don’t you have a girlfriend?”
If he says YES, then say:
“Dude, why aren’t you hanging out with her? Girls, don’t you think
a boyfriend should pay attention to his woman instead of going out
and talking to other girls?” (of course they’ll always say yes, and
then the guy looks like a cheating boyfriend)
If he says NO, then say:
“Dude, what’s wrong? You’re a cool guy, I’m sure you can get any
girl you want! Look, here’s one right here. I’ll help you…”
(then proceed to try and get the girl you’re talking to to hook up
with the guy by saying he’ll marry her, buy her expensive things,
have kids with her, etc. About 99% of the time, the girl will not
be into it and want to get away from the guy, and you make him look
like your tool).
Just remember that when you go to a club to pick up a girl, you’ll
need to be prepared to deal with “competition.”
QUESTION:
———————————
Dear Jospeh,
First off let me say thank you for all your wonderful advice that
you give and I hope you continue to help us out. It really is a
good thing your doing. now on to my question
I have confidence and I am not scared to talk to a girl but I
realize theres a difference between hi and actually approaching a
girl in a way where you will get results. I cant think of any
openers or anything to get a conversation stated and if I get
rejected aint scared but I wanna know what to say when I meet a
girl through a friend its so much easier but othawise Im fucked.
and i go to a school where 90 percent of the girls are beautiful
*im in college* help me! and how do I make bein a big guy work for
me *yea i’m husky lol*? I only tend to see these females with the
pretty boys. help!
JP
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Hi JP,
I’m husky too. My best advice on that is to just ignore it and go
for what you want. Being a big guy may be more important to you
than it is to women, so don’t let it slow you down. Remember that
others don’t see the world the same way you do, and if you allow
your insecurities to rule your world view, you’re going to be
sabotaging yourself!
As far as openers to meet women, I give a ton out in my book:
http://clicks.aweber.com/z/ct/?.bHYRZQt7zl.Wc0bFvDZXA
But since you go to college, here’s an easy one for you:
“Hey, let me get your opinion on this real quick… what’s your
favorite class? I’m trying to think of some good courses to take
next semester and I’m trying to find out as much as I can.”
After she responds, talk to her about what she likes so much about
it, etc. There’s plenty of fertile ground for conversation there.
TESTIMONIAL:
———————————
Hey Joseph:
It is tempting to believe that you wrote that book about me. I
mean it covers all the stuff I have been dealing with. I know it
will take sometime to get my “innergame” together however, I KNOW
it will happen. Just started bootcamp today and I am doing great.
My god, it’s like I believe that a beautiful woman could cast a
spell on me or something. That is the crazy stuff that goes on in
my head.
Thanks to you, I know I can totally escape that HELL I was living
in and start enjoying life – having success with beautiful women.
Today is my birthday and I’m 42 – it ain’t ever too late, NEVER.
Thanks,
Wayne
———————————
Hi Wayne,
That’s great! Keep up the good work! It’s never too late. You
can achieve whatever you want to.
QUESTION:
———————————
Hey Mr. Matthews how are you doing?
Your newsletters have many small concepts which we ignore and they
become the pit in the end. You really give good suggessions. One
example which I thought was about the “moving targets.” I never
realized that before I read and imagined that it makes a lot of
sense!
Right now I am in a confusion. I have a friend whom I used to talk
when I was in her class during the Winter Semester but as of now
the semester has ended and I want to go out with her.
The problem is that when I think of calling her to ask her out I
feel stressed out and if I call under stress I am bound to mess it
up. In order to avoid the stress I thought to text message her
about the invitation.
Before I do that I want to consult you?
Thanks.
Farhaan
———————————
Hi Farhaan,
Personally, I’d do the phone call. The text message takes the
situation out of your hands and puts the ball in her court, which
can be a bad thing because if she doesn’t respond, you don’t know
what’s going on. On the phone, you can gauge where’s she’s at and
adjust if necessary.
If she’s your friend, just play it cool. I know you’re probably
stressed because you’re worried about the outcome, but don’t think
about her, think about the fun you’re going to have, with or
without her. That should help.
QUESTION:
———————————
I am in love with a girl stydying in my college. She is of my age
and studying the same subject but not in my class.
I dont know her name or any of her detail except for where she
lives. She also dont know anything about me. My objective is to
make her my girlfriend. As far as I have noticed she doesnt have
any boyfriend.
I have subscribed to your 7 day crash course and after reading
it I understood that I have to approach her and talk to her at any
cost. But there was a problem. I am too nervous and afraid. In one
of your letters you had said “Men would opt to fight in Iraq rather
than talking to a beautiful woman.” Well that perfectly fits me.
But after reading the letters sent by you I made my mind to talk to
my dream girl. And as my luck would have it I saw her in the
college near the water cooler a few days later. I decided to talk
to her. But I soon got very very nervous. My hands got sweaty. In
fact in the matter of seconds I was drenched in sweat. But still
determined I approached her. She was standing alone. I said to her
“Excuse me, I think I have seen you in Whitefield area”. The moment
I told this I knew I have spoiled it. She was silent for a few
moments and said “So..”, and she walked away.
My friends said that I should directly go up to her and say
that I am interested in her.
Sumit
My Response:>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Hi there Sumit,
Let’s see what we can do here…
Okay, first of all, it’s okay to want to make her your girlfriend,
but do yourself a favor:
STOP OBSESSING OVER HER.
She may be the girl of your dreams, but don’t just focus on her and
only her. If you place too much importance on this girl, you’ll
have a hard time getting her.
I want you to start pretending like you don’t like her!
That’ll be step #1.
After that, ask yourself: What is it that’s making you afraid to
talk to her? Why are you feeling so nervous?
Then ask yourself: What bad things would happen to me if I talk to
her?
See, here’s the deal. Something in your belief system is making you
feel bad or expect to fail. You need to figure out what that is and
train yourself to respond differently. I go into detail about how
to do this in the new edition of my book.
Your opener wasn’t the best. You need to come up with something
more open-ended or interactive. Remember: You must always have
something to follow up with! Otherwise you’ll get the “So…” line
again. One thing you could have said to her was “Hey, are you
studying engineering? You look like an engineering girl.” Then
she’d say “yes” “no” or “what do you mean by that?” Then you’d
follow up with “You know, engineering girls always look all quiet
and thoughtful, but then when they get out of school they’re like
wild party monsters. Is that you?” Then riff from there. There’s
lots of places you can go with it.
But you have to have something prepared! I’d recommend you practice
on girls you don’t like as much so that when you see this girl
next, you’re ready to talk to her.
As for walking up to her and telling her you’re interested, here’s
my answer:
NO!!!!!
Don’t EVER do that! That’s the worst thing you could do.
Your first step is to meet her and talk to her a bit. If you can
engage her in conversation, all the better. Get her laughing and
having a good time. Then, ask her to join you for a cup of coffee.
If she can’t do that, ask for her number. Then get her to hang out
with you somehow. But NEVER tell her you’re interested in her! You
want to keep that sexual tension bubbling. If you make your
intentions clear, the girl is going to feel like you have ulterior
motives for everything.
And if this doesn’t work out, just remember it’s not the end of the
world. There are other girls out there for you to have a great time
with. So don’t sweat this one. Just have fun.
I go over all sorts of tactics and techniques for meeting women in
my book The Art Of Approaching. Not only that, but I give you all
types of advice on how to read a woman’s body language so all the
guess work is taken out of whether a girl likes you or not. In
addition to that, you can learn how to flirt with a woman to build
that sexual tension, and create amazing confidence in yourself so
you don’t have to worry about rejection! If you haven’t read my
book yet, be sure to check it out here:
http://clicks.aweber.com/z/ct/?.bHYRZQt7zl.Wc0bFvDZXA
Don’t wait. The time to enjoy incredible success with women is today!
Wishing you success,
Joseph Matthews
Bizlancer, Inc.
368 North Ave
Los Angeles, CA
