Dating Advise for Men In Waikiki

Mind Games Women Play With Men

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Question From A Reader:

Hi there,

I have a weird, thought provoking story I’d like to share. And
still don’t understand. I met this girl around my age (20’s range)
that worked at the same club I often went to. I Had actually went
to highschool with her, so we knew each other’s names and faces.
We’ve never dated let alone had a conversation.

Until one night, that is. . . .

One night I walked in. The club was dead, maybe only 2 people
on the VLT machines. She was sitting at a table reading a book when
I walked in. Casually, and calmly as if we’ve known each other
forever. She said hi and asked how I been, and I also did the same.

I sat at the bar and she got me a drink. And then she sat right
next to me (which surprised me a lot) and we engaged in
conversations (about anything, really) until she had to close the
club up. I made her laugh the whole night, and we had some deep
conversations about some subjects, and she hadn’t moved from her
seat close beside me until it was time to go.

From talking to her freely (and not many do so because she’s
beautiful) and also from the drinks I had, I was feeling a 100%
relaxed with her. So, I asked her out. First I asked her if she was
single, and she bluntly told me ‘yes’. Then I was like “you really
don’t have a boyfriend?” she looked confused and told me ‘no, no I
don’t.’

We exchanged phone numbers and parted just as casually as we
began our all night conversations. As soon as I walked in, we just
clicked!!!

I tried calling her two days later, but nobody picked up. I’d
call once a day—for about 3 days— but nobody ever picked up. So
I figured she was just busy.

BIG INFO!

I had stopped going to that club for about three weeks after
that. I had a Fake-Number feeling, and didn’t want to face it. But
finally I went back and she was working. And it was like nothing
had ever happened. As soon as she noticed me she hollered my name
in greeting starting with: “Hey!”. And all that night she was very
polite and very social—not only to me, but anyone who she had
contact with. She was just happier more than usual, which struck me
as strange.

We didn’t talk about what had happened between us, or even
about phone calls or anything—she never asked, therefore I never
told. We were back to that safe Bar Tender and Customer fine-line,
so I didn’t feel bad…I actually felt comfortable around her, yet
again. And the same went with her. And when I finally got up and
went for the door she hollered over wishing me a good night.

About a week later, I went back (this time with a buddy). He’s
very out spoken—not shy at all and started a conversation with
her just after 5 minutes of being there. He got into a conversation
about relationships with her—to that she actually told him the
reason why she was single was because she wasn’t ready for anything
serious!!!!

We didn’t stay long, and headed out to another club.

The weeks that followed, we’re strange. One night she was
playing pool with some guy that came in now and then. As soon as I
sat down at the bar she came to me and asked me if I’d like a game.
I said “sure” so we played a couple games, and then I headed back
to my seat. We didn’t talk at all, but we played pool, at least.

Another time I was there, she was off-duty that night and came
in for a drink. As soon as she saw me she sat right beside me, but
at first didn’t say much. And then I started a conversation with
her because I had noticed her rings (her hands were covered with
them–I found it pretty cool).

There was a guy already there at the bar sitting at the far
end, and as she sat talking to me he would try getting her
attention by conversing with her. But she’d hardly ever look his
way, and soon ignored him completely to keep talking with me.

After a while, I left the club for a few minutes, and when I
returned, and she saw me, she came right up to me with a big smile
and a gleam in her eyes and wanted to talk more. So we did. But I
didn’t stay long, and soon our conversation had ended, but we
wished each other well.

The last time I saw her, she was working the bar. We greeted
each other, and I took my drink to the back where the VLT’s were
where I conversed with a family member I knew would be there.

The girl constantly came around me, serving drinks in the
“green-room’ where a poker game was going on, right next to us. And
just about everytime she came around, she’d whisper my name as she
went, or would gently touch my lower back with her finger—or
gently squeeze my shoulder with her hand.

I found it very odd, and so the most I’d gave was a friendly
‘hey’ and a smile.

And now I often wondered—if she really was interested in me,
but didn’t want to rush things, why didn’t she just tell me
that???? Than just give me a number that was most likely fake? I’ve
never understood that.

She doesn’t work there anymore, and does not come in at all.
The last time I’ve seen her was that very night she had placed her
tender touches on me. And left me wondering ever since…

I guess the biggest wonder I have is — was she really
interested, or just playing with my mind?

And maybe she really did give me the wrong number—but she
still actually knows mine, I presume, but has never ever called.

That’s the story.

Left wondering,

Adam.
Smallville Canada

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My Response:

Hi Adam,

Here is one thing you must understand about women:

They’re emotional creatures.

Some women moreso than others.

So knowing that, don’t try to apply logic to a woman’s actions. It
will just give you a headache.

I don’t think this particular woman was playing mind games with
you. That’s not to say women don’t do that type of thing, but in
this instance, it seems like you were too much of an insignificant
factor in her life to make it worth her time.

Understand that most mind games women play are forms of tests they
use to screen for men they want to be with. In other words, if you
fail their tests, they won’t want to be with you in a romantic way.
If you pass, you’re given a “stamp of approval” and they’re open to
exploring relationships with you.

This can be a very frustrating thing to deal with, because how can
you know if a woman is testing you or not?

The short answer is, you can’t.

The long answer is, you CAN, but it’s going to take some work on
your part.

The real trick to this is experience. The more experience you have
with women, the more you’ll find that there are common tests women
will administer to men. Once you have enough experience, you’ll be
able to spot the tests when they come up and know how to deal with
them.

The other factor is knowing what kind of a woman you’re dealing with.

See, there are different kinds of women out there, but you can fit
them all into a certain category of girl, all of whom have the same
actions and behaviors.

This girl you speak of isn’t the kind of woman who goes to church
on Sundays and dreams of settling down and having a family.

This girl you’re talking about is what I like to call a STIMULATION
JUNKIE.

Stimulation Junkies are women who are addicted to all things
exciting and new. They enjoy having a good time and being social.
They go to concerts, clubs, bars… basically anything that can
give them their stimulus injection. They like (even crave)
attention from men. These types of girls often get jobs in stimulus
rich environments to help satisfy their craving.

For instance, your girl. She’s a bartender. Female bartenders get
asked for their number a million times a night.

Here’s a good tip: If you have to ask a bartender/waitress for her
number, chances are you’ll never be able to get in touch with her
again. But if they give you their number of their own free will,
THEN you know it’s for real.

You were just another in the long line of guys who were trying to
pick her up. It might have been her correct number, but to a phone
she never bothers to answer.

With a girl like this (stimulus junkie), it’s best to try to push
for the one night stand during the first interaction. She’s looking
for something exciting, not a date. After your first meeting, you
pretty much blew your chances with her. These type of women don’t
wait around. They have way too many options available to them.

This is a common mistake guys make. Too often, we think we have to
take our time with a woman, try to be “friends” first, make her
feel safe and comfortable. And while that is the case with certain
girls, with others you have to move fast and furious and get them
into bed as soon as you can, or risk losing them forever.

Stimulus Junkies are in that category of woman. You have to move
fast with them. Get them to go home with you THE DAY YOU MEET THEM.
If you can’t do that, then move on, because you won’t get another
chance. You might be able to make “friends” with them, but you’ll
never get another chance to make them look at you in a romantic way.

Had you gotten this girl to go home with you your first night
talking to her, you might have been able to have some form of
relationship with her (though she most likely would have cheated on
you all the time or broke up with you quickly because she didn’t
want to be tied down). The best you probably could have had with
her was a “friends with benefits” situation.

I’d recommend you not bother thinking about this girl anymore and
focus your efforts on a girl who’s more geared towards what you
want. As I always say, knowing what you want saves a great deal of
time and heartache when it comes to women.

If you are into women who are Stimulus Junkies, and that’s
the type of girl you want, then you can get really good at learning
what it takes to get that type of girl, and you’ll also be prepared
for the consequences of getting her.

To learn more about what it takes to get the type of woman you
want, be sure to read a copy of my book, The Art Of Approaching. In
it you’ll find proven strategies that work which will help you get
the type of woman you’ve always wanted.

Download The Art Of Approaching By Clicking Below:

http://artofapproaching.onfasttrack.com/main.html?ar=37bc

And if you REALLY want to supercahrge your success with women,
be sure to take a look at my Advanced Course here:

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You’ll be glad you did.

Wishing you success with women,

Joseph Matthews

P.S. If you have a success story you would like to share, or a
question you would like to ask, or a comment you would like to
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